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April 20, 2023 by Andrea Leave a Comment

How to Give Your Teen the Skills They Need for Adulthood

As a parent, you need to be prepared to teach your children new skills at every stage of life. When your child is a toddler, you’re helping them explore the world, communicate, and learn basic manners. As your child enters elementary school, you’re there to guide them as they explore their academic and extracurricular interests. And when your child reaches their teenage years, you need to start preparing them for the responsibilities that come with adulthood.

It’s time to start working on essential life skills with your children so that they can handle their obligations independently when they leave the nest. This goes beyond assisting them with college applications or asking them about their future career aspirations. Here’s how to pass these skills on to your teen.

Assign Household Chores

Perhaps you’ve had your children help out around the house with basic chores since they were little. Now, it’s time to start delegating more responsibilities to your teens. This could include anything from deep cleaning to pet care to yard work. If your teen is hoping to move away for college, remind them that they will have to balance studying, work, socializing, and domestic responsibilities. It’s important that they start incorporating these obligations into their schedule now to get used to it.

Teach Budgeting Skills

Maybe your teen has just gotten their first part-time job. Or maybe they aren’t working just yet, but you do want them to learn how to start budgeting and managing money. If there are limited part-time job opportunities for teens in your area, you may want to give your teen a set allowance for completing their weekly chores. Sit down with your teen to go over the basics of budgeting. You can talk about monitoring their spending, setting savings goals, and how to keep taxes in mind when estimating their take-home pay.

Group of teens standing in the desert looking out at scenery with arms wrapped around each otherCook Together

Everyone should learn how to cook a few tasty, healthy dishes. Your teen doesn’t have to become an accomplished chef. But they should know the ins and outs of meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, and food safety. You can also teach them how to find deals and save money at the grocery store! You can start teaching them how to prepare your family’s favorite dishes. Have your teen cook with you at least one night per week.

Tackle Basic Maintenance

When something breaks in your home, you can call up a contractor. But having the DIY skills to take care of home maintenance on your own can help you save big in the long run. If you’re confident in your own home maintenance skills, it’s time to show your teen the ropes. You can also teach them when it’s appropriate to call a contractor and how to budget for home maintenance and repairs so that they aren’t caught off guard by these expenses when they move out.

Allow More Independence

Finally, it’s important to understand that in order for your teen to learn the art of making smart decisions independently, you’ll need to gradually allow them more and more freedom. For a parent, this can be worrisome. You might be anxious about whether or not your teen will make the right choices or if they’ll apply the lessons that you’ve done your best to pass on. But letting your teen make mistakes is part of growing up. Knowing how to pick themselves up after stumbling is also a crucial life skill.

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Are you concerned that your teen is struggling to learn basic life skills? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling a session for teen counseling.

Filed Under: Teen Counseling

March 20, 2023 by Andrea Leave a Comment

EMDR And Complex Trauma: What You Need to Know

Living with trauma, especially of the complex variety, feels like something you may never learn to overcome. Somedays, it may feel like the healing process is one step forward and two giant steps back. The healing process is not linear, and you should not expect yourself to get over a difficult trauma immediately.

However, there are steps you can take that you may have yet to explore. Seeking out therapy or a new form you have not tried before may be the key to releasing your trauma. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is one of the steps you can take. To learn more about EMDR and how it fits in with your complex trauma, keep reading.

Taking a Closer Look at Complex Trauma

You have likely heard of trauma, but what makes trauma complex? First, let’s establish who can have complex trauma. While almost anyone can develop it at some point, one of the key parts of complex trauma is the way it develops over a long period of time. This means individuals who have experienced childhood trauma are most susceptible to complex trauma.

One instance of trauma is bad enough, but living through multiple traumatic events is what leads to complex trauma. The combination of the multiple traumas and the time it takes to receive treatment for them leads to complex trauma. This means that it is deeply rooted in your brain by the time you are able to receive the appropriate attention you deserve.

close up of person's eyeWhat is EMDR, Exactly?

Now that we have a definition of complex trauma, we can dive into treatment paths. EMDR is a type of therapy proven to be incredibly effective when it comes to treating different mental health concerns. It involves stimulation of the client’s eyes through an external device, causing your eyes to move rapidly. Yes, moving your eyes can help your mental health healing journey.

But why does this work? Think about having a difficult conversation on the phone. By the time the phone call wraps up, do you ever find that you have started doodling in the midst of the conversation? Believe it or not, this is similar to how EMDR works. Physical stimulation is a great way to distract the brain, allowing you to speak more freely. This is known as bilateral simulation, the key principle on which EMDR is built.

Benefits of Practicing EMDR

There are dozens of benefits to practicing EMDR. Like every method of therapy, EMDR will grant you the ability to have higher self-esteem and lower your risk of depression, among other things. However, there are some specific EMDR benefits, including:

  • Reduction of chronic pain: Bilateral simulation is also proven effective in reducing the effects of chronic pain. It allows the brain to relax more, which can benefit your mind and body. 
  • Quick results: Although each case is different, many people begin to see a noticeable change in themselves after three EMDR sessions. However, it is not a race! You can heal at your own pace. 
  • Minimal amount of talking: Unlike other forms of talk therapy, in EMDR, you do not have to discuss every aspect of your traumas. This is great, especially for those who have a difficult time opening up. 

EMDR and Complex Trauma Together

While different forms of therapy work on different levels for everyone, EMDR therapy is specifically tailored to overcoming trauma. This means if you are living with complex trauma, this is a route I highly encourage you to learn more about. 

If you are curious about exploring EMDR therapy, I would love to talk to you. I am a specialist in the field. Reach out today to schedule an appointment or chat more about the subject. I look forward to guiding you toward a happier, healthier life.

Filed Under: Trauma Therapy

March 6, 2023 by Andrea Leave a Comment

4 Ways Childhood Trauma Affects Adulthood

Unfortunately, growing past the trauma you lived through as a child may not just disappear once you become an adult. Experiencing complex trauma as a child will not only cause severe consequences for your childhood, but the effects may also follow you well into adulthood. 

This knowledge is not meant to scare you. Rather, this article is meant to do the opposite. Sometimes, recognizing the ways childhood trauma affects adulthood can be tricky. Many times, you would not believe an event that happened to you in childhood can still impact your life today. I want to help give you the tools to recognize these side effects within yourself and equip you with the knowledge to break the cycle.

Taking a Closer Look at Trauma

Essentially, trauma is the lasting effect on our mind and body after living through a traumatic event. This event can be almost anything, not a “one size fits all” definition. Witnessing something horrifying, like a car accident, can cause trauma just as easily as growing up in an abusive household.

Although the human body is resilient, sometimes we cannot fully understand the scope of the trauma we have been left with after the event. It may take weeks, months, or even years to completely recognize how trauma has impacted your life. The following are several ways in which experiencing trauma in childhood may affect your day-to-day life as an adult.

1. Distortion of Memories

As a child, your brain is still developing. Experiencing trauma at such a young age may stunt this development, leaving your brain with gaps. Not only will this affect your memories from childhood, but in some cases, it may also prevent you from forming new ones as an adult.

This is actually your brain’s way of protecting you from itself; preventing you from remembering painful, traumatic memories is a defense mechanism known as blocking. It is a way our body copes.

asian woman with serious look on her face looking at something off camera2. A More Complex Relationship With Sex and Romance

Whether you recognize it or not, childhood is where we learn about platonic and romantic relationships. Growing up in a trauma-filled household may have given you the wrong idea of what relationships should look like. Rather than having healthy role models for an adult relationship, you may have been privy to abuse and apathy instead. This may be obvious in your sexual and romantic relationships.

3. Development of Chronic Illnesses

Did you know that your physical body stores trauma as well as your brain? By storing years of pent-up childhood trauma, your body has likely been put under severe stress. Over time, your stress hormones can build up within your body. This can morph into chronic illnesses, such as heart disease or diabetes. 

4. Substance Abuse Issues

Illicit substances like drugs or alcohol are very commonly turned to as a way to self-medicate. Of course, a young child or even teenager does not have the capacity to cope with their trauma alone, and they may view self-medicating as the only way to make themself feel better. Reliance on these substances can very quickly turn into a problem and perhaps even develop into an addiction in adulthood. 

Most importantly, I want you to receive the help you need for your mental health; it is never too late to do so. Some days it may feel like your past trauma is all that defines you, but I assure you that is not true. Receiving help in the form of trauma therapy is a great option to work through your trauma. I encourage you to find a mental health professional who specializes in the field of childhood trauma, like myself. Reach out today to schedule an appointment if you feel we would be a good fit.

Filed Under: Trauma Therapy

February 27, 2023 by Andrea Leave a Comment

The Trauma We Carry: How Childhood Trauma Affects Adulthood

Childhood is the time in our lives when everything should be easy for us. As a child, you have none of the responsibilities that come up later in life. Unfortunately, nearly 50% of adults report that they lived through some sort of childhood trauma.

Experiencing trauma will, of course, impact your life around the time it happens. However, living through a traumatic event in childhood will likely have long-lasting effects well into adulthood. It is so important to recognize this cause and effect so that you can begin to treat your mental health. In order to learn more about the relationship between childhood trauma and adulthood, keep reading.

Your Body will Always Remember

You may wonder how your body can store trauma even if your mind does not. Take a second to imagine that you are in a crowded restaurant. You can smell the food, hear the chatter of nearby tables, and feel the seat beneath you. This is your body’s way of remembering an event with your senses.

Our bodies remember much more than we may realize. Although your brain may begin to twist and distort memories, your physical body will store your trauma. The same is true for traumatic events. If your childhood trauma stems from constant fighting at home, loud noises or shouts may trigger flashbacks of the event for you. 

hand reaching out for help

Experiencing Anniversary Reactions

Not only do physical sensations trigger memories of your trauma, but the time of year the incident happened may also trigger a reaction. These are known as “anniversary reactions.” For example, if you experienced a traumatic event in mid-April, springtime may cause you to feel increased anxiety or levels of depression.

Even if you do not remember the exact date of a childhood event, your body can remember it on a cellular level. While you may not be able to prevent these reactions from happening, you can prepare for them. Let your support system know ahead of time that you will need extra support and attention surrounding the anniversary.

Lack of Memories from Childhood

While your body will remember, your brain may forget. If you had a traumatic childhood, your brain might deliberately lose memories to save you the pain of reliving them. The official term for this is known as “blocking.” Unfortunately, the brain is not perfect. This means that sometimes good memories may be erased along with bad ones. This can lead to problems with a developed sense of self as an adult.

Developing Adult Attachment Disorders

Attachment disorders are descriptions of the way we interact with others. Experiencing trauma as a child can stunt the way you form relationships with others which can follow you into adulthood. There are four main types, three of which are generally categorized as unhealthy relationship styles.

The three attachment disorders those who have experienced trauma are likely to develop include: 

  • Anxious-preoccupied attachment: If you have this style, you may be called “clingy.” Really, you just need extra affection and affirmations. 
  • Dismissive-avoidant attachment: You may be self-described as completely independent, to a fault, and refuse help from others. 
  • Fearful-avoidant attachment: This describes a relationship style where you crave emotional connection but are afraid to let another person into your life. 

The top priority is that you take care of your mental health. Regardless of whether or not you have fully processed trauma from childhood, I am available to walk with you down the path toward greater mental health. I am here as a resource to help you process past trauma or any other struggles you may be facing. Please reach out to me today to schedule an appointment for trauma therapy.

Filed Under: Trauma Therapy

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