The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time. Yet the holidays can also be an especially stressful and traumatic time for many people. On the surface, it can seem like everyone is feeling bright and cheerful. But on the inside, plenty of people are actually dealing with intense emotional trauma.

There are so many factors that can make the holidays traumatic. The pressure to seem happy on the outside can leave people feeling even worse. If everyone else is having such a good time, why can’t they? In reality, it’s unfortunately fairly common for the holidays to stir up emotional trauma. Here are a few reasons why.

Dealing With Unhealthy Family Dynamics

During the holidays, you might have more family gatherings on your calendar than at any other time of the year. Even if you struggle with unhealthy family dynamics, and you try to avoid spending time in the same room with certain family members, you may feel like you can’t skip a holiday get-together. You may have been mistreated by certain relatives in the past, or you might have deep, ongoing disagreements with them. Perhaps you’re worried that a conflict will boil over at the gathering, or that one of your relatives will say something hurtful to you that opens an old wound.

Bringing Up Memories Of Past Holidays

Maybe your past holidays with family haven’t gone well. Now, whenever this time of year rolls around, you can’t help but reflect on holidays gone wrong over the years, or even decades. You might have tried to forgive your relatives for some of their indiscretions, yet try as you might, the holidays always dredge up these painful memories. Part of you wishes that you could somehow block out these reflections, but time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Pressure To Have The “Perfect” Holiday

Everywhere you look, it seems like other people are filled with holiday cheer. You know that you can’t be the only one who feels the way you do, but you still feel intensely alone with your feelings. When you go shopping, watch a holiday movie, or go to a local event, you’re surrounded by people who seem to be enjoying the holiday spirit. Feeling like you’ve “failed” at having the ideal holiday only exacerbates your disappointment and emotional trauma.

Feeling Isolated From Friends And Family

Perhaps you’re not going to be attending gatherings with family members who you have a rough history with. Instead, you might be estranged from family and spending the holidays alone. Maybe you’ve turned an invite from a friend, simply because you feel embarrassed about your circumstances. You may have even tried to make the best of spending your holidays alone by booking a trip to a new destination, yet you still feel frustrated. Feeling isolated during the holidays can contribute to emotional trauma.

Depression And Anxiety Worsen

Finally, the stress around the holidays can worsen existing mental health conditions. If you’re struggling with anxiety, you might be nervous about socializing at big family gatherings or work parties. People who are having trouble with their finances may be under an immense amount of strain to put up a “front” for the holidays and spend lots of money, even though their budget is very tight. Individuals who are dealing with depression may experience severe symptoms as the days get longer and colder, yet they’re expected to put on happy faces. The holidays can push existing emotional trauma even further.

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Are you worried about coping with emotional trauma around the holidays? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for trauma therapy.

You and your partner have recently welcomed a child. You couldn’t be happier to meet your new addition—but unfortunately, your partner’s birth experience was quite traumatic. Right now, you’re balancing parenting with caring for your partner’s needs. You care deeply about your partner, and you know that her birth experience was much more difficult than she could’ve imagined.

Your partner might still be in physical pain, and she’s emotionally shaken. You want to do everything in your power to help her recover. What should you prioritize? Here are a few ways to help your partner heal after a traumatic birth.

Care For Your Partner’s Physical Needs

First, it’s important to ensure that your partner is getting enough to eat and drink, as well as following any treatments that her doctor has prescribed. If the doctor has recommended that she restrict certain activities until a specific date, gently encourage her to heed the doctor’s advice. This likely means you will have to do extra housework, so keeping a to-do list and tidying up regularly are smart choices. Additionally, if you have wiggle room in your budget, you could invest in convenient services like grocery delivery.

Set Strict Boundaries Around Visitors

It’s only natural that people will want to meet your new baby—but right now, your partner might not be up for receiving any visitors. It’s up to you to set boundaries around who can visit and for how long. Check in with your partner to see if there is anyone she would explicitly like to visit, such as her parents, your parents, or any siblings. Beyond that, you’ll need to let people know that they will have to wait if they want to visit.

Go Above And Beyond On Childcare

Perhaps you and your partner had discussed how you would split up certain childcare tasks once the baby arrived. But now that your partner needs extra downtime to recover from her traumatic birth experience, these plans might have gone out the window. You may have to handle the majority of childcare tasks aside from breastfeeding. If you need advice, reach out to your loved ones for guidance.

Advocate For Your Partner

After giving birth, your partner will later have a checkup with their doctor. You might need to serve as an advocate for your partner in medical settings. Sometimes, women’s pain and discomfort are dismissed by doctors, so if your partner is still struggling, make sure to speak up on her behalf. Pay close attention during any appointments.

Consider Reaching Out To A Therapist

Your partner might be struggling emotionally in a way that physical treatments will not help. If your partner is dealing with anxiety, depression, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, or any other mental health condition, talk to them about connecting with a therapist. There are therapists who specialize in helping postpartum mothers. If your partner is not ready to leave the house yet, they might be interested in trying virtual therapy.

Pamper Your Partner

Finally, don’t forget to pamper your partner. You don’t have to go out of your way with expensive, grand gestures, but think about how you could brighten her day. In the midst of the chaos that comes with the newborn days, there is still room for surprises. You may want to plan something special for the future when she’s physically feeling better, like a spa day.

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Are you trying to find a way to support your partner after birth trauma? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling a session for trauma therapy.

Perhaps you’ve heard about Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy for trauma, and you’re curious about the benefits. But you might be hesitating to seek out an EMDR therapist because you’re not sure whether you would be a great candidate. You may have read that you need to remember your trauma clearly in order to process it during sessions. However, this is a common misconception about EMDR therapy.

If your memories of your trauma feel vague and fuzzy, you can still benefit greatly from EMDR. Here’s why EMDR can still be a great choice for people who struggle to remember their trauma and how your therapist can support you through this process.

Your Therapist Is Prepared

Rest assured that every therapist who specializes in EMDR has worked with clients who do not clearly remember their trauma. This is fairly common, and all therapists who apply this methodology have experience supporting clients who have been in your shoes before. Many trauma survivors try to avoid thinking about their experiences or suppress the details as a protective mechanism.

Your therapist will not prompt you to describe false memories or stretch the truth of your recollections. Instead, they’ll help guide you based on the details you do remember and use different tools like specific phrases, sounds, and images to help improve your recall.

Don’t Worry About Perfect Accuracy

Your therapist does not expect you to remember all of your traumatic experiences with crystalline detail. It’s okay if your memories feel somewhat foggy. All you need is a starting point. You can start by describing what you remember, and as you go through EMDR sessions, you might be surprised by how much you can recall.

EMDR Doesn’t Center Around Talk Therapy

Many people find EMDR appealing specifically because they do not have to describe every aspect of their traumatic experiences out loud. Instead, they can give their therapist a more general idea of their personal history. This is distinct from talk therapy, which centers around more in-depth conversations about your experiences and your symptoms.

Thankfully, this also means that you can still benefit greatly from EMDR, even if you’re having trouble remembering your trauma. Your sessions will revolve around processing your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations rather than analyzing specific details of your memories.

Remember, You’re Not On A Schedule

Yes, lots of people turn to EMDR because they hope they will be able to make progress on a shorter timeline than if they pursued traditional talk therapy. But remember, you are not on a schedule when it comes to therapy. It’s okay if you need to spend a little more time working with your therapist than you anticipated. This time investment is well worth it to build a brighter future. Be patient with yourself as you work through sessions, and keep in mind that there are no time limits on your treatment.

You Can Still Find Relief

You might assume that if you can’t remember your trauma easily, you might not find much relief through EMDR. But your healing potential does not depend on the clarity of your memories. Lots of people who have tried to suppress or forget their trauma make great progress through EMDR. Simply put, there isn’t a strict correlation between having clear memories and finding relief through EMDR. If you’re committed to the process, you’ll almost certainly notice a reduction in your symptoms and see an improvement in your quality of life.

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Are you wondering whether EMDR is right for you? Bringing your questions to a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for trauma therapy.

Living with trauma, especially of the complex variety, feels like something you may never learn to overcome. Somedays, it may feel like the healing process is one step forward and two giant steps back. The healing process is not linear, and you should not expect yourself to get over a difficult trauma immediately.

However, there are steps you can take that you may have yet to explore. Seeking out therapy or a new form you have not tried before may be the key to releasing your trauma. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is one of the steps you can take. To learn more about EMDR and how it fits in with your complex trauma, keep reading.

Taking a Closer Look at Complex Trauma

You have likely heard of trauma, but what makes trauma complex? First, let’s establish who can have complex trauma. While almost anyone can develop it at some point, one of the key parts of complex trauma is the way it develops over a long period of time. This means individuals who have experienced childhood trauma are most susceptible to complex trauma.

One instance of trauma is bad enough, but living through multiple traumatic events is what leads to complex trauma. The combination of the multiple traumas and the time it takes to receive treatment for them leads to complex trauma. This means that it is deeply rooted in your brain by the time you are able to receive the appropriate attention you deserve.

What is EMDR, Exactly?

Now that we have a definition of complex trauma, we can dive into treatment paths. EMDR is a type of therapy proven to be incredibly effective when it comes to treating different mental health concerns. It involves stimulation of the client’s eyes through an external device, causing your eyes to move rapidly. Yes, moving your eyes can help your mental health healing journey.

But why does this work? Think about having a difficult conversation on the phone. By the time the phone call wraps up, do you ever find that you have started doodling in the midst of the conversation? Believe it or not, this is similar to how EMDR works. Physical stimulation is a great way to distract the brain, allowing you to speak more freely. This is known as bilateral simulation, the key principle on which EMDR is built.

Benefits of Practicing EMDR

There are dozens of benefits to practicing EMDR. Like every method of therapy, EMDR will grant you the ability to have higher self-esteem and lower your risk of depression, among other things. However, there are some specific EMDR benefits, including:

• Reduction of chronic pain: Bilateral simulation is also proven effective in reducing the effects of chronic pain. It allows the brain to relax more, which can benefit your mind and body. 
• Quick results: Although each case is different, many people begin to see a noticeable change in themselves after three EMDR sessions. However, it is not a race! You can heal at your own pace. 
• Minimal amount of talking: Unlike other forms of talk therapy, in EMDR, you do not have to discuss every aspect of your traumas. This is great, especially for those who have a difficult time opening up. 

EMDR and Complex Trauma Together

While different forms of therapy work on different levels for everyone, EMDR therapy is specifically tailored to overcoming trauma. This means if you are living with complex trauma, this is a route I highly encourage you to learn more about. 

If you are curious about exploring EMDR therapy, I would love to talk to you. I am a specialist in the field. Reach out today to schedule an appointment or chat more about the subject. I look forward to guiding you toward a happier, healthier life.